life update

haven’t been writing here…

no need to bitch, i suppose during the past months? i just had other places to bitch 😉

and now….

she said i need to change, and it’s up to me.

while it’s more than what i deserve, all i can say is she doesn’t know me. she said she doesn’t like the person i have become. okay lang, because again, she doesn’t know me. ‘ika ng ni diana, i don’t need to explain myself. basta. what have i become anyway? irresponsibe? money-grubber? at least, the trust issue is about money. it’s just money.

still, i am thankful for the outcome. i just hope that she doesn’t come to the philippines any time soon, or go on video internet chat when she’s in MO. if she does come home, i hope i won’t be here any more…maybe in Cambodia? now that requires prayer and faith.

oh my Cambodian boy…please reciprocate my feelings…you are the only one missing in my life right now. make everything right by loving me. i need to feel loved and wanted for a change.

Published in: on March 31, 2007 at 4:34 pm  Comments (1)  

my life’s laundry list

one thing i noticed about myself these past few months is that i actually enjoy doing the laundry. well, not that heavy-duty-handwash-laundry-woman-laundry, butwashing machine laundry. sure, everything is almost automated but it still takes work, with all the sorting and hanging. there’s something to be said about watching the clothes swirl around the sudsy water. it’s close to mesmerizing.

maybe i enjoy it because, well, i like taking care of my clothes. i don’t have a lot of clothes, but what i have are good quality, so i take care of them. believe it or not, i don’t consider it beneath me (as princess-y as i may seem) to buy from ebay for second-hand clothes. in fact i’ve become a regular buyer of a seller who sells really nice tops for a rlatively low price. bidding can be a bitch sometimes, but it’s just a matter of knowing what you really like, and sniping. that sure helps. i’ve gotten a lot of nice clothes on a budget. i would not be able to amass that number of clothes for what i paid for them had i bought them straight from the store. the brands? mostly forever 21, charlotte russe(!), a.byer, bebe. her stuff is addicting. she must’ve a huge ass walk-in closet with the way she auctions off her clothes!

i guess that’s my version of retail therapy. it’s like i badly, badly need that? god, some of clothes i bought are so daring! and i had to justify it by telling myself that, hey, i’ve got a decent figure, and i sure have the boobs to get away with it. and when will i start showing my cleavage? when i’m 40???

and right now i am at a definite cross-roads of my life. it’s that choice between roots and wings. a job/career is foremost, but i am dilly-dallying on that. it’s not that i am afraid of work, or to work, but more on where it would take me (if it will take me anywhere). i guess i’ve been so ensconced in my comfort zone that it’s so hard to leave it, even if the outside world beckons of beautiful possibilities.

i watched “before sunset” again this week. lovely movie and i never tire of watching it. and i just wish i have the passion and the daring of celine. i loved “before sunrise” also, but “before sunset” makes me review my life, and what the fuck do i want to do. well, does moving to paris count?

anyways, i really have to move my ass and start making plans, and put those plans into action!

Published in: on February 21, 2006 at 11:18 am  Leave a Comment  

new blog, new life

I just need a new blog. My old one, while I still love it, is being read by some family members, and it has become such a stress to write innermost feelings (read:bitching) for fear of being criticized or bitched upon.

I am just at that stage in my life where I should be achieving the stuff I had dreamed of…only that I am still at the dreaming stage. What they (the family) do not seem to understand is that I have set aside following my dreams in order for them to follow theirs. It wasn’t out of nobility that I did it, but because there was no one else available for the responsibilities at hand. And now, they are looking as me as if have no ambition whatsoever to succeed or make my mark in this world. Mehn, it is harder to follow your dreams when you are older, you know?

God, I feel better already writing this stuff up, haha! This is so fucking fun! Right now, I need a job. It is the only thing lacking in my life right now. A darn fucking career. When I have that, people will get off my fucking case.

Au revoir!

Published in: on February 18, 2006 at 7:03 pm  Leave a Comment